Monday, 3 January 2011

Divorce month is upon us.

The January sales are a time for the Retail trade to shift stock and replenish the shelves with new items to tempt us consumers. Sadly many relationships are up for shifting and replacing at this time of year too. Does this need to happen? Sometimes we need to think about what we are going to lose before we begin to appreciate its true value. The "Emotional crucible" of Christmas and New Year brings many ingredients which help to dissolve the bonds of marriage. Close proximity with people you only see at this time of year. Emotional memories of those no longer with us. An excess of rich food and alcohol leading to bloating, sickness, loose bowels and despair at ever expanding waistlines. Overspending on presents, food, entertaining and more. Too much sitting around watching telly. Not enough physical exercise. A clash of styles over whose family Christmas should be adopted. Uneven workload as host/hostess. No real quiet time to discuss what is happening. Bad behaviour when our expectations are not met by loved ones, family, visitors, each other or even Santa Claus! Solicitors expect to receive an influx of visits and calls from unhappy people during January as the full effects of the holidays impact on their plans for the future. What have they available to offer these potential divorce clients? Fixed fee divorce. Online divorce. Mediation. Collaborative divorce. Full out war at great financial and emotional cost. Or maybe the suggestion that you both seek some professional help to work out what you really want and discover the support you need to make the right choices for you. Most solicitors offer a short free interview of 15 to 30 minutes. Use this time wisely by having a list of questions to ask. The very least you should do is find someone who can help you as individuals to become clear on what you want to have happen next with your relationship. Is it worth saving and what changes might be needed to save it? Is it finally over and how do you both want it to end? Is there a future relationship you need to consider because of children? If there are children how will you tell them the news? What happens in the short term about money, accommodation and child care? What emotional support does either of you need to come to terms with the shock and grief over the break up? How do you tell wider family and friends? How much do you need to budget to end this relationship? Where could this help come from? First thought might be Relate. Who find themselves overwhelmed at this time of year. Check out Google or your other favourite search engine and look for Relationship counselling, marriage break up, divorce coaching, mediation or similar search terms. there are many good private counsellors, coaches and therapists who can offer a personal, discrete and fast appointment to help you make sense of your current thoughts and feelings. If your partner doesn't want to go along you will still get a lot of value from seeing someone just for you. Finding ways to change your own behaviours and your responses to their behaviours can be very empowering and will help you to become clearer about your own wishes. Maybe you have thought of turning to friends and relatives. Be aware they will have their own thoughts on your relationship and your partner. They are likely to take your side and suggest some fairly drastic action or physical penalties to be imposed on your partner, who will be cast in the role of villain. They may also not be able to help at all and ask you never to mention the subject again and then proceed to avoid you at every opportunity. Friends and family usually dispense advice. When you don't follow it they have a tendency to wash their hands of you, having told you exactly what you should do. Or worse they take your partner's side and deliver a scathing attack on your character and detail your considerable shortcomings. This is unlikely to make you feel much better about an already difficult situation. We also offer a 20 minute phone or face to face session free, to help you decide if we are the people to help you sort out your relationship dilemmas. We can also tell you how to get the most out of your free session with a solicitor. Call us on 0800 298 5938 or email us and we'll call you. help@therelationshipeople.co.uk

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