Thursday, 30 June 2011

Speaking the same language - part two

The greatest problem with communication is the belief that it has taken place.

We spend a great deal of attention in listening to the words and hidden messages our clients show us, when they come to see us. Very often the 'difficulties' in their relationship can be laid at the door of 'speaking different languages'. She likes to go into great detail about everything, he likes the big picture or headlines only. She is motivated by moving away from painful or threatening things, he is motivated by goals and targets. She is energised by her own internal sense of right and wrong, he is energised by 'feedback' and approbation from others.
None of these is either right or wrong - they just are the way 'she' and 'he' in this case are wired. These can be context related for example different at work to at home and in no case 'label' she or he as an XXY person or a YXY. They are still just them with some patterns of language, which they prefer.

Before we can start 'speaking' someone else's language it's really useful to know our own patterns.
This was the subject of a recent workshop we ran for the Collaborative Lawyers Conference in Bristol earlier this month. Entitled "Speaking your client's language" we took the delegates through some workshop exercises to help them discover their own patterns and begin noticing when other people had a different pattern.

Do you sometimes feel your partner has not understood you? Or they are talking nonsense? Or talking too much or not enough? Maybe you just have some different patterns and your 'filters' are filtering out the true meaning of the communication.
Check this out by calling us on our freephone number 0800 298 5938 and find out what we can do to help.

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